Sonic Brains
by Bandicoot Sauce
Summary: Time to get yourself into a Sonic mindset as you endure an injection of comedy gold that'll go straight to your humour receptors! Seriously, these one-shots are sure to make you laugh.
1. Happy Tails

****Sonic Brains****

Happy Tails

It was a quiet saturday morning at Tails' workshop on the outskirts of the city. Inventions stood half finished on the workbenches, tools lay scattered everywhere and an open can of soda lay on its side, the liquid slowly spreading across the floor, drawing dangerously close to a power socket. Half-eaten pizza slices were everywhere and, in the midst of it all, there was a large sweat print on the floor in the shape of a certain blue hedgehog.

Where was the master of the lab himself, you may ask? Tails was in his bedroom, the back-most room of the workshop, and he was not in a very good mood. Sonic had suddenly showed up on his doorstep two nights before and asked if he could crash at the workshop for a while. As the blue blur's best friend, Tails had allowed it, but had regretted it within a mater of hours. Sonic was a good friend, but he was not a very good house guest. He tended to take advantage of his host without realising it and would complain when he went more than fifteen minutes without a chilli dog or similar food item. In short, Sonic was proving to be very, very annoying and Tails was at his wit's end. The yellow fox hadn't even been able to get any work done, for he was far too stressed. He wished that Sonic could be a little more considerate, especially since Tails' voice had suddenly broken, changing to a rather husky, deep pitch that didn't suit the poor two-tailed fox at all. Sonic had actually laughed - not in front of his friend, mind you, but Tails had heard him stifling a chuckle when the fox had left the room.

Right now, Tails was sitting in front of his computer, headphones on, a packet of his favourite mint candy resting on his lap. He was determined to unwind, listening to some music he liked. He was even singing in time with the current song that was playing, a smile ever so slowly creeping across his furry features, reflecting the contentment that he was beginning to achieve at last.

__"If you're strong, you can fly,__

__You can reach the other side__

__Of the rainbow.__

__It's alright. Take a chance,__

__'Cause there is no circumstance__

__That you can't handle…__

__WHEN YOU USE YOUR MIND.__

__SONIC B-"__

"Hey, Tails, what're ya doin'?" Sonic asked loudly, suddenly popping up behind the young genius. Tails yelped in alarm, jumping and sending his mint candy scattering all over the floor. He groaned in annoyance and wrenched the headphones off his ears.

"What?" he demanded.

"I was just wondering if I could borrow five rings for-"

"A chilli dog?" Tails guessed, not at all pleased. Sonic had borrowed so many rings from the fox in the last couple of days that Tails was glad that he had a reserve account full of emergency currency. "Sonic, this is the seventh time in two days. Surely you can't possibly need that many chilli dogs? Do you even know their nutritional value, especially after they've been fried?"

"Oh, come on, Tails, you know me. I love a good chill dog now and then." Sonic whined.

"'Now and then'?" Tails repeated, his fur bristling. "You inhale more chilli dogs than a drug addict inhales Angel Dust. It might be time for you to consider a diet. The world's fastest hedgehog ought to stay in shape."

"'Stay in shape'?!" Sonic practically shrieked. "At least I don't sit here all day jiggling the cords of a Flux Capacitor or whatever piece of useless junk you're trying to build nowadays!"

Tails leapt up to give Sonic a piece of his mind, but then he realised that he couldn't think of one. Tails was generally very mellow, never unleashing insults, never swearing, never raising a fist (unless it was towards Eggman, of course) or even yelling at someone. He was just naturally tolerant, calm and sweet-tempered.

"Sonic, I assure you that all of my inventions are for the benefit of everyone who might require their use." the fox declared calmly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go out for a while." With that, he walked out.

"Hmm. That was weird. I thought he was gonna yell at me, but…" Sonic said with a shrug. Then he realised something. "HEY WHAT ABOUT MY FIVE RINGS?" he shouted after Tails.

* * *

__Crash!__

Tails moaned and put his head in his hands. His brand new Formula One had just collided head on with an oncoming vehicle.

"HEY, MORON, WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE-" a familiar voice started. "Hey, wait. Tails, is that you?"

"Knuckles?" Tails asked, surprised. Sure enough, the red echidna had smashed his crimson Ferrari convertible against the yellow fox's prized racer.

"Yeah, it's me." Knuckles said, chuckling awkwardly. His girlfriend, Shade The Echidna, raised an eyebrow from the passenger seat. She was dressed in her usual sleek armour. Tails couldn't recall seeing her wearing anything else. Ever. She had at least gotten rid of the creepy mask that made her look like some kind of alien goat.

"Is that young Master Prower?" she asked, her emotionless tone a result of years of disciplinary training. "It has been a while."

"Sorry about the crash, Tails." Knuckles said, still being uncharacteristically pleasant. Usually, he would be screaming Tails stupid, claiming that it was all the fox's fault and that he was overdue for a beating. "I was taking Shade here for a drive. You know, to see what she thought of my car and I guess I just… I dunno, I guess I got caught up in the moment."

"It is indeed a rather impressive transport vessel." Shade mused aloud. "An interesting colour and it offers a very smooth travelling experience, though I can't help but wonder how many miles it gets per standard amount of fossil fuel?"

"Not enough, I'm afraid." Knuckles said, smiling meekly. Was it Tails' imagination or was the red echidna blushing? "I'm still working out the kinks."

"If this is how it handles with the 'kinks', it must be truly spectacular when it uses its full potential." Shade declared.

"Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the damage. I'm sure it'll buff right out on both of our cars." Knuckles stated cheerfully. Tails decided that Knuckles must've been trying to make a good impression for Shade's sake. "I'll see you later, Tails. Nice catching up with you!" With that, the usually hot-headed echidna reversed and moved around Tails' roadster. As the echidnas passed, Knuckles gave Tails a death glare while Shade couldn't see it. Tails gulped. Things were going to get much worse once Shade was out of the picture.

Tails got out and examined the front of his car. It was all but completely demolished. It looked even worse than the time Big the Cat had sat on it, and that had been pretty gruesome. Tails dared to start it up again. It rattled worryingly. He knew that he'd have to completely replace the front. There was no chance of simply buffing the damage out. Tails could feel his stress headache increasing tenfold.

"My car is wrecked, Knuckles will be out for my blood later because __his__ car is wrecked and Sonic has just been… Sonic." he mused as he clunked along the road, the rattling becoming steadily worse. Fortunately, he made it to his destination in one piece, though he didn't fancy his chances of getting home safely.

"Well, at least I've arrived with five minutes to spare." he said, putting on a hopeful smile. Surely the worst was behind him?

Tails entered the massage clinic, relieved to find that the waiting room was not very crowded, not that it really mattered, for he had booked his appointment in advance. He went up to the reception desk.

"I have an appointment under the name Miles Prower." he said, hoping that his appointment was on the list and hadn't been lost or something.

"Ah, yes, the two o'clock." the receptionist confirmed. "Take a seat. Your appointment begins shortly."

Tails sat down, humming quietly and twiddling his thumbs as he waited patiently. A clock ticked on the nearby wall and the water cooler bubbled once or twice. He gazed at a poster on the wall, advertising a movie he was hoping to see in the near future.

"Miles Prower." a voice called from beyond the curtain. Tails got up and filed into the back room. He removed his shoes and placed them aside, stretching out on the massage table as the masseuse walked in.

"Tails?" the masseuse said, surprised.

Tails looked up. Another familiar voice. "Amy?"

And sure enough, it __was__ Amy. The pink hedgehog looked like she had just walked into a wall. She had clearly not been expecting to meet one of her closest friends under these circumstances. "Wh-what're you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tails said, unable to resist raising an eyebrow. "I didn't know you were working as a masseuse. What happened to your job at the milkshake bar?"

"Oh, I still have that." Amy admitted. "I'm here part-time on an apprenticeship. I needed a change of scenery." she added before Tails could open his mouth. "You can only pour frothy milk and ice cream into a glass so many times before the novelty wears off, but never mind that now." She cleared her throat and her next words were spoken in a professional manner. "Good afternoon, sir. I understand that you're here for a head, neck and back massage."

"Yep." Tails answered. "You know, I admire you, Amy."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, personally, I think I'd feel a bit awkward if I found myself in a position where I was about to give someone I know a massage."

"Actually, I did feel like that when I first started, especially when I saw who my first customer was."

Tails raised his eyebrow again. "Don't tell me it was Sonic?"

"Don't joke about something like that." Amy replied darkly. "I had to deal with Rouge the Bat."

Tails guffawed at that one. "You're joking?! How did you handle _that?"_

"Surprisingly well. I think I had it under control just by being her masseuse. You know what Rouge is like. She doesn't show up at a massage parlour merely for a massage; she shows up to play. I think she was hoping to flirt with some tough guy masseuse with bulging muscles or something like that. When she realised that I, one of her sworn rivals, would be working on her, I think she just died a little inside. It was actually pretty funny. She even paid extra so that I wouldn't tell anyone that it happened!"

Both Amy and Tails enjoyed a chuckle at that.

"So, anyway, after that, I learned to take a professional approach towards customers, no matter who they might be." Amy continued. "Case in point, let me know if I'm pressing too rough, okay? Customer satisfaction is top priority around here."

"I would've thought that getting paid was top priority." Tails remarked cheekily.

"In this case, I think the two are one and the same." Amy said half-jokingly as she reached for a bottle of massage oil. Tails noticed that she wasn't wearing her gloves. It was somewhat strange to see Amy's surprisingly small, pink-furred hands uncovered. She worked a little massage oil onto Tails' shoulders and set to work. The fox had to admit that the pink hedgehog had definitely been paying close attention to whatever her instructors had told her. He had never felt so relaxed in his life. As Amy started to work on his lower back, he closed his eyes and started to let himself drift.

"You okay, Tails?"

Amy's question seemed to come from thousands of miles away, but Tails already knew what had happened.

"I just purred, didn't I?" he asked, embarrassed.

Amy smiled knowingly. "It never happened." she said assuringly. "I don't even know what purring is. I see no reason to ever speak of this alien subject of yours again."

"Thanks, Amy." Tails said, glad that Amy wouldn't tell anyone.

"You sounded like a cat."

"What happened to 'it never happened'?"

"A spoilt, pampered cat." Amy went on, stifling a giggle. "Ah, don't even worry about it, Tails. What happens in this place stays in this place. Besides, I thought it was kind of cute."

"Yeah. Great." Tails said, sounding glum all of a sudden.

Amy placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Seriously, Tails, don't worry about it. I did the same thing when I first had a massage. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"No, it's not that." Tails admitted. "It's about Sonic. He's been living at my place for that last couple of days and, well, he's been kind of a handful. That, on top of everything else that's been going on lately has got me really stressed out. I mean, yeah, I'm in pure bliss right now, but I know that my problems will all be waiting for me once I walk out of here."

Amy looked thoughtful as she continued to massage the fox. "Well, Tails, if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're a really nice guy who would never let something like stress get the better of you. And yet, that may be a bad thing."

"What do you mean?" Tails asked.

"I mean that you don't just control your emotions - you keep them bottled up. Now, that may seem practical in the short term, but in the long run, it's gonna cause trouble. Trouble for both you and those around you. When you go home tonight, if you feel that you have a bone to pick with Sonic, you work it out with him and don't hold back. It works for me."

__'Tell me about it.'__ Tails thought, remembering all the times Amy had attacked and clobbered Sonic with her Piko Piko Hammer during one of her many… episodes, for lack of a better word. "Well, I'll try. I don't know if I have it in me, but… I'll try."

"Good man." Amy said, now reaching the most sensitive spot on Tails' back. As soon as she touched it, the fox's back arched and his eyes widened.

"Yowza." he muttered, the sudden pleasuring sensation taking him by surprise.

* * *

"BURRRP!"

Tails walked in the front door as Sonic let out a truly massive belch, much to the fox's disgust. As he stepped inside, his eyes widened in horrified shock. The place was in an even worse mess than when Tails had left! Sonic was standing in the middle of it all, doing some sort of jig while watching a football game on TV.

__"And it's a touchdown!" __the announcer on TV declared. "__The home team wins!"__

"Oh, yeah!" Sonic cheered, jumping up and down, the drink in his hand sloshing everywhere. "It's my birthday! It's my birthday!"

Tails looked from the various bits of food on the floor to the tools lying around everywhere to the potted plant resting on the couch; not where it belonged. The plant was the last remains of Tails' late love interest, Cosmo the Seedrian, and it was Tails' most treasured possession. He watered it everyday, changed its soil at a moment's notice and moved it accordingly so that it always got just the right amount of sunlight. He would never forgive himself if that plant died, and his friends knew that Tails would never forgive them if it died in their care. Right now, the plant was okay…

...But the pot had a huge crack in it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Sonic, I think we need to have a talk." Tails said in a calm, level tone.

"I know! Isn't it great? The home team finally pulled through!" Sonic said cheerfully, not listening.

Tails walked over and unplugged the TV.

"I said, __I think we need to have a talk, Sonic__." Tails repeated, an edge in his voice that Sonic had never heard before.

"Sure, buddy." the blue blur said cautiously, surprised by his friend's tone. "What is it that you want to talk about?"

"Sonic, you've been staying here for two days. Three, if you count today." Tails said, pacing back and forth, speaking calmly. "In that time, you have repeatedly borrowed rings from me, you have eaten all my food, you have scattered my tools, cracked poor Cosmo's pot, made a total mess of my workshop and have otherwise taken advantage of my hospitality." The fox whirled around to face Sonic. "AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT!" he screamed, causing Sonic to flinch. "You may be my best friend, Sonic, but this is MY WORKSHOP, MY HOME and if you want to continue to stay here, you have to obey MY RULES and if you don't like it, then you can GET THE HELL OUT! And GOOD RIDDANCE if you do!"

Sonic looked like he didn't know what to say. He appeared shocked and hurt. After a full ten seconds, he sighed.

"You're right, Tails." he said at last.

Tails blinked. "I am?" He hadn't been expecting a response like that.

"Yeah. I've been taking you and your hospitality for granted. I shouldn't have borrowed all those rings from you. Not for something as trivial as chilli dogs, anyway. I've been a… I've been kind of a jerk. Wow. I didn't think I could admit it, but there it is."

Tails suddenly felt guilty. "Sonic, I didn't mean-"

"Don't go back on your true feelings or opinions, Tails." Sonic said sharply. "If you do, you'll never get anywhere with people. You were right to point out my faults. I guess somebody had to."

Tails sighed. "I'm sorry I lost my temper, Sonic. I meant what I said, but I should've said it in a more calm and civilised way."

"Everyone loses patience once in a while, Tails. Sometimes it's good to vent." Sonic stated. "I'm actually a little proud of you."

__Knock, knock.__

"Hello? Hello? Anyone home?" the irritable voice of Knuckles sounded through the door.

"Oh, man." Tails moaned, sounding fearful. "It's Knuckles! He's here because of a little accident we had with our cars earlier! Tell him I'm not here!"

Sonic shook his head. "If you can give me the scoop, you can give it to old Knucklehead out there. Just tell him your side of the story and don't let him push you around."

Tails straightened up. "You're right!" he declared. With that, he marched over to the door and flung it open.

"Tails, I want-" Knuckles began.

"No! I don't wanna hear it, Knuckles!" Tails declared angrily. "You were the one going for your little joy ride while I was just cruising along peacefully! __You __crashed __your__ car into __mine__, not the other way around! How dare you come here, threaten me and expect me to pay for the damages to both of our cars! If anything, __I__ should be demanding compensation from __you__!"

"Tails, I'm not here about my car!" Knuckles said, surprised and annoyed. "I mean, I am, but not to rough you up and make you pay. I came here to apologise."

Tails nearly fainted. "WHA…?!"

"I did intend to come over here and start trouble, but it turns out that Shade can see right through me, apparently." the echidna said, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "She said that the whole thing was my fault, that she was a witness and that by trying to shift the blame to you, I was pathetic, not worthy of her time. I don't want to lose her, especially since our relationship has barely begun, so I decided to do the right thing and… and… yeah. So, I'm sorry, alright? I don't think I'll be able to pay for the damages of either of our cars, but I'm sorry and… and I hope that this… Oh, God, this is hard. I hope that this whole incident doesn't screw up our… our friendship. There, I said it. It wasn't easy, but I said it."

Tails was dumbstruck for a minute, but then he smiled warmly and held out his hand.

"Tell Shade I said that you're definitely worthy of her time." he declared. "Put 'er there, Knuckles."

Knuckles seemed just as dumbfounded as he shook Tails' hand. "Thanks, Tails. You're… you're a good friend, you know that?"

"No more than you are, buddy." the fox insisted, smiling wider.

Tails spent the next morning fixing his car before going over to sort out Knuckles' Ferrari as a favour - one friend to another. When the fox returned home in the evening, he found the place tidier than it had ever been.

And the Cosmo plant was in a brand new clay pot. Tails found a note taped to it:

__I made this myself, buddy. Accept it with my appreciation for having me as your house guest.__

__Sonic.__

Tails had a feeling that things were going to be better from now on… until he saw the notice at the bottom.

__P.S. I borrowed five rings for a chill dog.__

* * *

**And with that, the status quo has altogether gone... absolutely nowhere. Lol! Stick around for more amusing one-shots focusing on various characters!**


	2. Dating at Impossible Odds

Dating At Impossible Odds

Amy Rose sighed as she stepped into the living room of her home. Cheese the Chao fluttered up to greet her, indicating that Amy's young friend Cream The Rabbit must have dropped by.

"Hey, Cream, I'm here!" Amy called, resting her Piko Piko Hammer against the wall and hanging her red jacket on the coat rack near the door.

"Oh, hello, Miss Rose!" Cream replied cheerfully, entering the room from the opposite door. "I found your key under the doormat and, well, Cheese talked me into letting myself in. Sorry."

"It's okay. I know you wouldn't enter my apartment with the intention to make trouble." Amy said, sitting down on the couch and turning the TV on, letting her stomach extend. Cream thought this was uncharacteristic of her. Usually, Amy was up and about for a long while after she arrived home, making a pot of tea, sorting out any groceries she had bought on the way home from work, crossing off another day on her calendar, folding the laundry and putting it away, preparing dinner and, as of late, calling up Sonic and asking him if he wanted to go on a date. When he declined, however politely, Amy would scream him stupid for ten minutes or until the line went 'mysteriously dead'. Whichever came last. After that, Amy would retire to the couch with her now cold dinner and eat miserably while watching a soap opera on TV.

"Miss Rose, are you okay?" Cream asked, the little girl's innocent tone ever-present.

"Yeah, I guess." Amy replied with another sigh. Cream looked concerned at the half-hearted reply.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Because you look kind of… down." Cream said, a thought occurring to her. "Could it be that you're not happy to see-"

"It has nothing to do with you." Amy said sharply. "I'm always glad to see you, Cream. You know that. What I'm unhappy about is Sonic. I've asked him out on a date every night for the last two weeks and every time, he's made some phoney-baloney excuse. 'Oh, I'm busy tonight. Tails wants me to help him build… something.' 'Oh, I think I'm coming down with, uh, Chilli Dog Deprival Syndrome.' 'Gee, I'd like to, Amy, but Knuckles... um... broke my arm! Again.'"

"That last one may actually be believable." Cream pointed out.

"Nah, he just doesn't wanna see me." Amy concluded. "Last night, I called him and he didn't even answer, and I __know__ he was home."

"How did you know?"

"I called Sally Acorn and she confirmed it. She was sitting right next to him."

"Well, Mister Sonic __does__ like-"

__"Don't go there, Cream."__ Amy warned, fire appearing in her eyes. She moaned sadly before unleashing an outburst that made poor Cream jump six feet in the air. "WHY? WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME? I'M SURE THAT WE'RE MEANT TO BE!"

Cream waited a few seconds before peeking out from behind the couch, Cheese on her shoulder. The little Chao had fainted from fright. "Miss Rose, I think I know why Mister Sonic is so… _cautious_ to express feelings for you." she said at last, surprised at her own daring.

Amy raised an eyebrow, not sure how to take that. "What're you getting at?" she asked.

"Well, I've always considered myself to be your best friend, Miss Rose. Amy. So I think I can safely say that I know you."

"Go on." Amy said, ready to jump to anger again at a moment's notice.

"And what I know about you is that you're very… excitable, quick to express your emotions without thinking of any, you know, consequences."

"Consequences?"

"Well, maybe Sonic is just a teensy bit alarmed by your... enthusiasm. Perhaps you should try a more subtle approach."

For a moment, Cream feared that Amy was going to shout at her, but the pink hedgehog was lost in thought. After a moment, she stood up.

"That's actually pretty insightful." she concluded. "You've given me a lot to think about."

__A short while later…__

"I hope you're right about this, Cream." Amy said, punching in Sonic's number. The phone started ringing. _'___Come on, pick up.'__ she thought. _'___At least give me a chance to-'__

__"Hello?"__ It was Sonic alright, and he sounded nervous.

"Oh, hi, Sonic." Amy said very, _very_ calmly. Cream gave her a thumb's up. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

__"Well, yeah, I guess. I__ am __on the phone, after all."__

Amy frowned at this. It sounded to her like Sonic was being a smart-aleck again. Cream could see what she was thinking and shook her head worriedly.

"Yes, well, I was just wondering what you're doing tonight." Amy said, hoping that she was stressing the calm, friendly smile she was straining to keep on her face.

__"Tonight?" __Sonic said, sounding worried. __"Well, uh, I was planning on… planning on… a quiet evening at home, really. I heard that there's going to be a really good horror movie on TV."__

Amy was tempted to demand to know what the title of the movie was, but Cream, who had heard Sonic's words, rushed over and whispered what to say in Amy's free ear.

"Are you crazy?" Amy hissed, covering the receiver with her hand. "I'll blow my chances if I say that!"

"Just trust me." Cream whispered. Amy suppressed a worried groan and addressed Sonic again.

"Okay, then. Sounds like you've got a fun evening ahead of you. I guess I'll leave you to it."

The was dead silence on the other end of the phone for a moment.

__"What was that last thing you said?"__ Sonic asked at last.

"I was saying that you've got your night planned out and I'm happy for you." Amy replied, feeling herself die a little inside in spite of her forced happy demeanour. "Let me know if the movie is any good. It might be worth getting on DVD."

__"Amy, are you... feeling alright?"__

"Oh, yes, I'm fine." Amy lied. "Why do you ask?"

__"Oh, uh, no reason." __Sonic said, sounding like he was in a state of surprised shock. __"Well, it was nice of you to call me like this, see how I was going… Very thoughtful, I guess."__

"Well, you're welcome." Amy said, sounding surprised herself, an ounce of hope fluttering in her chest.

__"Listen, can I call you back in a couple of minutes? I need to check something."__ Sonic said.

"Oh, okay. You do that." Amy said, about to explode from excited anticipation. This was going exactly as Cream had predicted. She heard the line click, followed by a dial tone. Amy put the phone down, and she couldn't resist shouting gleefully. "He's going to call back!" she squealed, grabbing Cream by the hands and dancing around with her. "He's going to fucking call back! Oh, sorry!" she added, realising that she had just sworn in front of a child.

"It's okay." Cream said, though she was a little shocked. Amy never usually swore in front of her. After a few moments, the phone rang.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" Amy exclaimed, suddenly looking terrified. "I think I'm gonna have a heart attack!"

"Just stay calm, Amy." Cream assured her. "This is the final stretch. Don't lose your cool now."

"Right, right." Amy said, struggling to keep her voice steady as she answered the phone. "Hello?"

__"Yeah, hi, Amy, it's me again, but then you probably knew that it'd be me."__

__'Well, duh.'__ "Yeah, I guess." Amy said, forcing herself to chuckle nonchalantly.

__"So, I just checked the time for that movie and... it's gonna be shown pretty late. I don't really feel like sitting down and doing nothing for the next few hours, so…"__

From his end, Sonic covered the phone and sighed. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Somehow, she got to me." He forced himself to finish his sentence.

__"So I was wondering if… if you're free tonight? I mean, that movie's probably not even worth waiting for. I don't wanna throw away a perfectly good evening or… Do you see where I'm going with this?"__

Amy stifled a girlish giggle, desperately trying to keep up the nonchalant act. "Well, I think I have an idea of what you mean, but could you be a little more specific, just so I can be sure?"

Sonic covered his phone again. "Oh, God." he muttered before continuing.

__"Well, what I'm trying to say is that… Do you want to, like, go out tonight or something? I know a pretty good place downtown that you might like. Maybe."__

"You mean like on a date?" Amy asked. It took all her willpower to hide her eager, hopeful tone.

__"Yeah, I guess you could call it that. So, I guess I'll pick you up in… Wait, when's a good time for you?"__

"Well, let's make it an hour from now. Sound good?"

__"Yeah. I just… Yeah. I'll see you soon, then."__

"Okay. I look forward to it. Bye." Amy finished, hanging up. She stood there absolutely dumbstruck for a moment. Then she let out a delighted scream.

"YES! OH, YES! I'VE GOT A DATE WITH SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!" she screamed. "AND THIS TIME… HE'S WILLING!"

"You'll probably have to keep up this charade throughout the evening, though." Cream pointed out.

Amy stopped celebrating abruptly. "Oh, yeah." She shook her head as if to clear it. "The things one does for love. I have a feeling that it's gonna be a long night."

* * *

Amy waited patiently at the reserved table in the restaurant while Sonic went about parking the car. He suddenly showed up at the table, his blinding speed making it seem like he had appeared out of thin air. The waiter, who had just been walking over, nearly toppled over from the high velocity breeze generated by the over-clocking hedgehog as he hurriedly took his seat.

"What the…" Sonic said, taking in the sight of the waiter.

The tall green crocodile of a waiter.

"Vector?" he guessed. It was indeed Vector. Even with the fancy white shirt and black bow tie, there was no mistaking him.

"Vector?!" Amy growled in disbelief, fire in her eyes again. Vector had a way of almost always spoiling the moment, especially if it was something like a romantic dinner. The pink hedgehog was about to unleash her fury on the annoying crocodile, but she remembered that she was trying to make a good impression on Sonic and decided that clobbering Vector now would spoil everything. Instead of lashing out, Amy laughed casually. "You know what? Nothing can get me mad tonight. Nothing." she declared, smiling brightly. Sonic looked like he had run headlong into a brick wall.

"So," Espio said, appearing out of nowhere right beside Sonic, scaring the living daylights out of him. The purple chameleon could be really sneaky at times. "What can we get you two tonight?"

"First of all, _don't ever do that!"_ Sonic exclaimed, his heart still racing. "Second of all, what're you guys doing here?"

"This is where we work now." Vector said, smiling proudly. "First night, actually."

"And their last, I'll bet." Amy muttered ever so quietly so that Sonic wouldn't hear.

"Remember, Vector, we have to be professional to our customers." Espio pointed out. "This is no time to 'hang out' with friends or anything like that. We're on the job."

"Right, right." Vector said. "I'll get the drinks." He started to walk away.

"Uh, Vector? They haven't ordered any drinks yet, so you probably don't know what they want." Espio said as though trying to educate a child.

"Yeah, I know, but I thought I'd start them off with some complimentary iced water and go from there."

"Ah. Good thinking."

"Never mind that." Sonic said quickly, realising that it was only a matter of time before these guys tried something really stupid. "Just get me a soda and, uh, what'll you have, Amy?"

"I'll just have the same." Amy said hurriedly, having the same dreaded interpretation as Sonic. The two 'waiters' made a note on a single notebook, causing them to scuffle over the notebook for a moment before Espio wrote down Sonic's drink order while Vector wrote down Amy's. The end result was the same word written twice with different handwriting. The pair then walked away, leaving the young hedgehog couple to continue to worry.

"How long before Vector does something crazy that might break the fourth wall?" Sonic whispered.

Under normal circumstances, Amy would've said, 'About two seconds', but instead, she said, "I wouldn't jump to the worst conclusion. By his standards, he's acting rather profession-"

"HEY!" Vector suddenly said from right behind Amy, making her jump, letting out a shriek of alarm. "TO GET THROUGH TIGHT SPACES, PRESS THE CIRCLE BUTTON TO SLIDE!" With that, the nutty reptile walked away, cackling like a hyena.

"This is going to get worse before it gets better." Sonic said quietly, putting his head in his hands.

Amy privately agreed with him.

__A little later…__

"Wow, that was actually - __hic!__ \- actually pretty good." Sonic stated as he finished his meal. "Those guys did an alright job."

"Yeah, I… I hardly noticed the lumps in the casserole once I tasted it." Amy said, not really sure what to say. Sonic may have enjoyed his food, but Amy had found hers to be quite vile, not to mention way too spicy. She had only eaten it because she had been starving.

"Look at those guys out there." Vector said to Espio from the kitchen. "The romance is dying."

"Vector, this is hardly the time or place to put one of your 'romantic' schemes into effect." Espio warned. "Besides, those never work."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that." the crocodile declared. He rapped three times on the door of an overhead storage cupboard and it swung open to reveal the youngest and most annoying member of Team Chaotix: Charmy Bee.

"You rang?" he asked cheekily.

"Charmy, I think it's time we put Operation Frozen Fantasy into effect."

"Guys, __no__." Espio said firmly. "Our boss would kill us. He said that it was closed until further notice."

"That's because the boss doesn't know how to have fun." Charmy declared, flying out of the cupboard and doing a backflip in midair. His hyperactivity never ceased. "And neither do you."

Espio groaned. "Why do I even try to work with these two?"

Back out in the dining area, Sonic was glancing around nervously. "We could just leave the money on the table and run." he suggested. "I mean, no other customers are here, so it's hardly likely to get nicked."

Amy didn't want to admit it, but Sonic might have the right idea. This date was not nearly as romantic and special as she had anticipated.

"Good news, valued customers." a trill of a voice said suddenly over loudspeaker.

"That sounds like Charmy." Sonic mused. Amy suppressed a groan with difficulty.

"The ice skating rink out back is now open." Charmy announced cheerfully. "No romantic evening would be complete without… without… What does that say?"

"No romantic evening would be complete without an invigorating and graceful icy waltz." Vector finished for him. "And you'll be eager to waltz to the tunes of… of… I can't read this, Espio. I don't think this even qualifies as handwriting!"

Espio groaned loudly. "To the tunes of some of the most beautiful love songs of all time, and for the record, __you__ wrote this, Vector!"

"I think I'd remember if I wrote something so corny." Vector insisted. "Ah, that's what I get for letting you do the planning for once."

"Me?! Who's idea was this, anyway?!" Espio roared irritably. "Oh, that's right! Yours!"

"Give me that microphone, you clueless sons of…!" Charmy said with annoyance. He cleared his throat. "So anyway, if you wanna go beyond the land of milk and honey and descend into the very heart of passionate love, then make your way out back onto the ice rink of destiny! Ha! Now __that's __romantic wording! Those guys'll eat that up like chocolate marshmallow cookies! Huh? It's still on?"

"I told you this was a bad idea." Espio muttered. There was a click and, much to the relief of Sonic and Amy, the loudspeaker switched off.

"Well, that was different." Sonic said, not sure whether to laugh or not.

"Hmm. I've read about this place in a magazine and it __does__ actually have an ice skating rink."

"Well, in that case, ice skating might be cool. No pun intended." Sonic said. "It'll be like the figure skating pairs at the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how ol' Mario's doing..."

And so, Sonic and Amy headed out to the ice rink, just as Vector and the others finished putting the ice skates out on the benches.

"Hurry, they're coming!" hissed Charmy. The three darted away into the music booth, turning on the multicoloured spotlights as the hedgehogs skated out onto the ice. Vector went to turn on the music, Espio crash-tackling him just in time. The volume was set too loud and the player currently held an alternative rock CD. The chameleon switched the soundtrack to something more fitting and the hedgehogs began to slowly twirl and slide gracefully to the song '__Can you feel the love tonight?'__

After a little while, Amy wrapped her arms around Sonic, happy tears forming in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Sonic asked, noticing this.

"Nothing." Amy answered with a sniff. "It's just, this is pretty much the most wonderful night of my-"

There was a cracking sound. Then a louder one. Then a section of the ice gave way right where Sonic and Amy had been standing moments before. The pair gasped in shock. Another chunk of ice cracked further away.

"Oh, man! This must be why the boss closed the ice rink! The ice needs repaving!" Vector howled.

"I told you this was a bad idea! I _TOLD_ YOU!" Espio declared, his voice getting steadily louder.

Sonic quickly guided Amy to the safety of the bench. "Well, there goes the evening." he said, chuckling awkwardly. "At least we didn't get hurt."

"No, but THEY WILL!" Amy roared, pulling her Piko Piko Hammer out of nowhere. "I've been acting all out-of-character just to impress you and those jerks ruined it for me!" With that, she thrust off her skates, pulled on her shoes and leapt, screaming, at the music booth, smashing the glass window. She began to chase the terrified Chaotix group around while Sonic laughed to himself.

"So __that's__ why she was so strange tonight!" he realised. "Ah, good old Amy! When she stops acting crazy, __that's__ when I worry!"

* * *

****And so, a not so typical night for Sonic The Hedgehog ends in a very typical way. Stay tuned for more brain busting, gut busting tales of Sonic!****


	3. Charmy-ing the Echidnas

Charmy-ing The Echidnas

"Isn't this nice?" Knuckles asked with a contented sigh. He was sitting on the couch in his home near the sanctuary of the Master Emerald, Shade sitting next to him, looking decidedly bored and uninterested, but then, that was how she always looked. Knuckles started to slowly put his arm around her. "It's just you and…"

__Knock, knock, knock.__

The male echidna suppressed an annoyed sigh. "I'll get it." he said with a forced air of cheerfulness. He had planned for this to be a quiet night where he and Shade could watch a movie, share some nachos and… Well, I'm sure you readers know the rest. Knuckles opened the door, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't keep him too long. He wanted to make his move on Shade while the mood was still set.

"Howdy, Knuckles!" Vector greeted cheerfully, giving a casual and clueless smile and wave. Espio looked more serious. Charmy hovered around them both, his little wings fluttering madly.

"I'm not doing Blackjack tonight, guys." Knuckles told them, starting to close the door.

"We need you to watch Charmy for tonight." Espio said, as though he wished he didn't have to deliver this news.

Knuckles was shocked and outraged. His shock came into play first. "What?! But why?"

"We've got a little trouble at work. Our boss wants us to work overtime without pay to sort out some… unpleasantness that occurred last night. Charmy here will probably just get in the way, so we need someone to sit for him." Espio explained.

"But why me?" Knuckles demanded, his rage kicking in. "Why not someone else?"

"Amy was in no mood to do us any favours, Sonic ran off as soon as we asked, Tails is busy with some new invention and frankly, we were too scared to ask Shadow." Vector said.

"What about Silver?"

"He's gone time travelling."

"Blaze?"

"Blaze? Ha! You know what she's like. 'Leave now or get burned' and all that."

"Big?"

"Four words: 'I MUST FIND FROGGY!'"

"Rouge?"

"Did you __really__ just suggest that?" Vector asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, bad example." Knuckles admitted. "But I really can't do this right now. I… I have a girl here."

"Oooooh!" Vector and Charmy trilled in unison. "Knuckles has a girlfriend!" they went on teasingly.

"Who's there, Knuckles?" Shade enquired, appearing behind him. She looked out at Team Chaotix with interest. "More friends of yours?"

"Friends? That's an understatement!" Vector jumped in before Knuckles could answer. "We're best buds! We hang out all the time. We're real pals, and why? Because old Knucklehead here has a real good heart. In fact, we were just asking if he could babysit little Charmy here and-"

"Hey, who're you callin' little?" Charmy demanded. Espio clamped a hand over the hyperactive bee's mouth.

"Is that so?" Shade asked, raising an eyebrow.

Knuckles wanted to strangle all three of these clowns, but he kept a civil tongue in his head with matching behaviour for Shade's sake. "I'm sorry, fellas, but I'm not sure if-"

"We'd be glad to." Shade said, leaving Knuckles utterly dumbstruck.

"Really? Oh, that's swell! Have fun, Charmy! We'll see you later!" Vector said hurriedly. With that, he and Espio tore off down the path before Knuckles could stop them.

"Hey!" he called after them, but they were gone, leaving silence in their wake save for the chirping of crickets.

"Oh, smile, Knuckles! There's no reason why we can't have fun!" Charmy said, doing backflips in midair like an idiot. "Whee! Whee!"

__'This is going to be hell.'__ Knuckles thought.

* * *

"Knuckles! Anybody!"

Knuckles suppressed a groan. He had been this close to making a move on Shade, who was still being as cold and indifferent as she always was while watching the movie. "I'll go see what he wants." he said with a forced lighthearted chuckle. As soon as he was out of Shade's sight, his face became an enraged scowl. He thrust the guest room door open to see Charmy playing with some toys he had brought over. The six year-old was really starting to cramp Knuckles' style. This was the fourth time he had been called up here for something.

"What's the matter now?" he demanded irritably.

"I'm bored." Charmy declared, thrusting his toy car aside and folding his tiny arms. To Knuckles, he was acting more like a three year-old than a six year-old. "Come on, Knuckles, let's have some fun! Don't you have any video games?"

Knuckles clutched his crimson head, tempted to pull some of his quills out in frustration. "Charmy, I'm trying to spend some quality time with Shade and you're ruining it for me!" he hissed.

"So what? She's totally out of your league anyway." Charmy said cheekily, blowing a raspberry at him.

"Alright, that's it! Go to bed, kid!" Knuckles ordered, pointing at the bed in the corner.

"Aw, man!" Charmy whined. "It's not even my bedtime yet!"

"Are you kidding me? It's after eleven!" Knuckles almost shrieked. "Just… just do as you're told and stop being difficult!" With that, he stepped out of the room and slammed the door. Charmy glared at the closed door.

"Difficult? Oh, I'll show him difficult." Charmy growled, raising a tiny fist.

Knuckles headed back downstairs and sat down next to Shade once again. She was staring at the TV screen, letting out a sigh as she did so.

"He just wanted to show me something he made." Knuckles lied. "Ah, kids. Cute."

"Yeah, great." Shade said, and this time, Knuckles could tell that she hadn't even been listening. He turned his attention to the movie. It was a romance story he had chosen for this occasion, hoping that Shade would like it.

"Good movie, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah, great." Shade said again, sounding just a little sad. Suddenly, a man with a rifle appeared on the screen and she sat up straight, suddenly very interested.

"One must certainly admire the detail and craftsmanship of that firearm." she declared, suddenly sounding in a better mood. Knuckles felt hope flutter in his chest. This was his big chance! He yawned, put his arm around her and this time, he got no interruptions from a certain little annoyance upstairs.

__'I have my arm around her. HOLY SHIT! I never thought I'd actually get this far! Okay, stay cool, Knuckles, don't blow it. Wait until the right moment and…'__

He looked up and his eyes widened as he saw a large black spider drifting down on a strand of web, about to land on Shade's head. She was unaware. Maybe if Knuckles was careful, he could get it away from her before she saw it and screamed or something. But as he looked closer, he saw that the spider wasn't on a strand of web; it was on a piece of string. It was fake! Knuckles looked up at the ceiling fan to see Charmy crouched on it, lowering the rubber spider slowly and carefully. That was it. He was going to kill that kid. Right then, Shade decided to look up and Knuckles knew that any chance of romance was long gone.

But Shade didn't scream. Instead, she chuckled.

"An old-fashioned act of practical humour to prey on the gullible. Classic." she declared. "Oh, the Nocturnus clan never ceased to do that to me when I was young."

Knuckles forced himself to laugh alongside her. "Yes, he quite the cunning little… fellow, is he not? And yet, I fear that it is way past his bed time." _'___Or DEATH time, more accurately!'__ "I'll see him to bed, shall I?"

"Actually, do you mind if I go this time?" Shade asked. "I so rarely get to socially interact with youth in any way."

"Yeah, she's bound to be more fun than you, Knuckles." Charmy said cheekily.

__'Keep asking for it, Charmy. Keep asking for it. Your time is coming, you little…!'__ Knuckles thought to himself as Charmy flew down and let Shade lead him up to the bedroom. He waited for Shade to come back downstairs, but she didn't, leaving Knuckles worried. he went up to see if anything was wrong and the sight he was met with made him unable to believe his eyes.

Shade and Charmy were both playing a game with Charmy's action figures. Shade was giggling, smiling and otherwise looking like she was having the time of her life, as was Charmy. Knuckles had never seen his girlfriend so lighthearted and happy.

"And in this corner, the guy with the blue spy uniform, whatever his name is!" Shade chirped gleefully, making her action figure punch Charmy's one in the stomach. "And the red dude goes down! There'll be no celebration at the red team's dome tonight! All that remains is to capture their flag and the seven Chaos Emeralds!"

"No chance, lady, 'cause here comes the luxury helicopter of destruction!" Charmy declared, picking up a toy helicopter painted with army camouflage. "You're going down!"

Shade pretended to gasp in horror. "Oh, no! How can we possibly hope to compete with that kind of firepower? We have no choice but to surrender unconditionally! I only hope that the forces of Charmy's military take prisoners!"

In spite of his dislike for Charmy, Knuckles let out a small chuckle, a genuine one, getting the attention of the female echidna and the young bee boy.

"Well, you two look like you're having fun. Don't let me interrupt." he said, grinning.

Shade looked embarrassed. "Oh, uh, I was just teaching Charmy about the Nocturnus war of old, using a little method acting with the aid of these figurines."

"No dice, Shade. You were playing with Charmy and loving it." Knuckles said knowingly. "And you know what this means."

Shade became worried. Was Knuckles going to break up with her just for showing another side of herself? "No, I… What __does__ it mean?"

"It means that you better count me in before Charmy's military owns your squadron big time!"

And with that, the trio played around, laughing, joking and enjoying themselves. A little after midnight, Charmy found himself too tired to lift a finger and the echidnas put him to bed. They then headed downstairs, talking about what had just transpired.

"I've never heard you laugh like that. Kids seem to bring out the best in you." Knuckles was saying.

"Well, maybe." Shade said, blushing a little with embarrassment. "But don't think I haven't noticed how _I_ seem to bring out the best in __you__, Knuckles." she declared. "I know that you're trying to act all sweet, but if I may say so, it's your tough side that really appeals to me."

Knuckles didn't know what to say to that.

"On that note," Shade continued, "What do you say we adjourn to your bedroom and let your tough side show?"

Knuckles was surprised, but then he grinned. "You read my mind." he said, leaning in and kissing his love interest deeply.

* * *

****I think that went pretty well, don't you? Stay tuned for more tales in due time!****


End file.
